So what I havn't updated, I love qoutes but I'm not always in the mood to put them up here, lols yeah yeah I'm lazy so what! Wow, it's been like 4 months since I last updated and things with JT are almost the same... But now I don't want to talk to him, cause I'm so embarassed for loosing my mind like I did.. I guess I can plead temporary insanity.. That's what it was really, and I don't want to be with a person that liturally drives me crazy... Not really.. I havn't told him I'm moving back home, I don't know if he knows, kinda hope he doesn't.. Well now I'm not going to make the first move, I hope he can just let me go and forget me... Cause I don't want to b e around him and his friends that he's told that I'm the crazy Ex... I want to hide under my bed and die of shame.. gosh! How can one guy have such influence on you?!?!?!
I don't want to love anymore... Not if it does this to me...
I won't have my Cp over Xmas so I don't know if I'm going to update untill next year... (wow strange saying that isn't it?) but I might depends on the fedbacks I get! hahaha! but since I've been gone ssoooo longe I'm dooing an huuuuuuggeeesssss update... And credit goes to anyone that deserves it and the ppl I subscribe to! Thank you so much you are my life line! Hear goes.....
**KT Its the sex & the drugs &the complications. Dont waste your time asking why such an amazing
thing could happen to you, just let it happen. Don't
doubt that you could be loved, just let yourself be loved.
If you don't believe you're worth of anyone's time,
then you won't be. Take yourself seriously and others
will too. "Why" is a wasteful question. Why? Cause that's
the way it's supposed to be. That's the only answer
you can have. Accept it You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! So what do you do when the person you love is the reason behind all your pain? When things aren't the same anymore & you constantly see yourself striving to maintain a perfect relationship? When you no longer trust that person because their words continuously contradict their actions? Have you ever felt this unbearable pain in your chest, but think to yourself that the pain is worth it because in the end you are still with that person? Whenever they are out, you have a million of ideas just clustered in the back of your mind. You try your best to trust them, but for some reason you just can't. You want them to do little sweet meaningful things, but yet they don't. You find yourself so infatuated with this thing we call "love" that you isolate yourself from everyone & everything you once loved. But in the end, is it really worth all the trouble & sacrifice?
(NO REALLY does anyone know!!!) 
if i'm not here tomorrow,
would you understand why i left you this way.
cause if i'm not here tomorrow
it doesn't mean i didn't want to stay
*I would never leave you willingly*
i would give away my sweetest memories
if i could just be with you again. *Tear* The way that girl can break a heart
It’s like a work of art
And this is the worst part
She knows it. I was born with an enormous need
for affection and a terrible need to give it. I guess I never let you go because in the back of my mind I still believe someday we'll get our second chance. 
you’ve got to accept the fact
that life isn’t a fairy tale. Things
aren’t always happily ever after.
Things like magic wishes, Prince
Charmings, and true love don’t
happen in real life. Magic wishes
come from money, Prince Charming
is a shallow idiot with a bad haircut
and overpriced clothes, and true love?
Ha, true love is one-sided. You love
her, she loves someone else. She
loves you, you love someone else.
Never quite works out, does it? So
you end up with some actor pretend
-ing to be your true love. Real consid
-erate of someone to let you know
reality was like that before being
thrown into it. “if you wish, it’ll happen”.
Well, wish in one hand and crap in the
other, see which one fills up faster.
Welcome to reality, enjoy your stay We binge, purge, sleep around. We drink too much & get too high, anything to blot out the past.
*I Guess We Do Whatever We Feel We HAve To* wherever you are, i hope that
you're happy tonight.and maybe
you found someone to love you
right .i'm desperate to say now i
need you more than ever.but
all i could say was goodnight. 
She's scared; scared to lose him. She's scared she'll do something wrong to make him want to leave. She's scared that he'll find someone so much better than her. She's scared because she finally realized how much he means to her. Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul,please grind them into a hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. i guess this time you're really leaving.
i heard your suitcase say goodbye.
well as my broken heart lies bleeding,
you say true love. it's suicide.
you say you've cried a thousand rivers,
and now you're swimming for the shore.
you left me drowning in my tears.
and you won't save me anymore
*This one is a personal fav* no one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful.
everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful This is not a time for heros because nobody will let that happen.
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower Just remember, love is always betrayal for you I want us to be the ones who prove
that love can last forever and that
hearts are never too young to feel it. She said it's written in the stars,
but I don't look at the stars anymore,
I just want someone to die for. Someone save me if you will,
and take away all these pills.
And please just save me if you can
from my blasphemy in my wasteland. This day could be the worst one yet,
I just won't relax, I can't catch my breath
Because i'm sick and tired of "you'll be fine"
Well how do you know? Can you read minds? I'd do a n y t h i n g I could to keep you around,
But you turn away without making a sound.
And I realised you should fly free, not be tied down. & its always me, being strong for everyone else
walking around with my painted on smile while everyone
around me falls apart. i dont dare to break because once
i go down its just too hard to get back up. im the girl that
everyone expects to always be there, always be smiling threw
all of this shit. yeah well what happens when the day comes and
i completely fall apart. i need you, i need you here to be strong
for me when i finally break You are replaceable. And it bothers you
because I am not. You wont find another me.
You can try, but those girls won't compare.
You need me. But I don't need you.
I don't think I ever really did.
*I soooo wish I belived that* Kept it inside, didn't tell no one else, didn't even wanna admit it to yourself. And now your chest burns and your back aches from fifteen years of holding the pain. And now you only have yourself to blame if you continue to live this way. Perdóname (forgive me)
Sono triste (i am sad)
Lo siento( i am sorry) Pick your favorite shade of black. You'd best prepare a speech
Say something funny, Say something sweet
But don't say that you loved me Scars are great. They're this outward symbol of some personal pain. Just by looking at someone's scar, you know that person has suffered. But what about the suffering insane? We have no scars. That's why we have to make them ourselves. Oh my my, oh hell yes, honey put on that party dress. Buy me a drink, sing me a song, take me as I come cos I can't stay long. You lose your mind if you lose control, it makes you feel ashamed for the hearts you stole. While it is faith that makes all things possible, it is love that makes all things easy. Here I go with the alcohol, too much and a black out, not enough and I'm pissed. There's the cigarettes running through my fingers, chain smoking again. How do my words sound? How do you like me now? Am I not good enough now that I want it? I rip myself apart just so that you can't. So what do you think will happen when all this ends? Do you honestly think we can go back to being just friends? I blew my first chance, and my second too. All I want is a third chance, so I can be with you I did it different, did it better, did it nice,
did the impossible, then did your boyfriend twice.
 Well, you're not brave if you still keep the letters and you're not sane if you want to get better and you're not drunk if you can stay in your lane. Well, you're not awake, but you haven't been sleeping and you hate God, but you don't believe in him. And you're not scared, but you've still got your eyes closed. I'm so paranoid of getting hurt.
I am always getting my heart broken over and over.
My heart has so many scars and bruises all over it.
I don't know how much just one heart can
take really, and I don't really want to find out either This is for the broken hearted.
I know how you feel.
Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever.
You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help,
But you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse.
You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too.
You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them.
And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them.
That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most.
And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial.
And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes.
You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it.
And you can't help but to show it again.
It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever.
And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them.
And even if it has, every broken heart is different.
They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this.
And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough,
The tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's.
Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection.
And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place.
After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going.
Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back.
Everyone says, "It will be okay But you know it won't.
And thats the truth, it wont
And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible.
You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay.
So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it.
And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this...
*Also A Personal Fav, I Think This One Is So True And I Can't Belive Someone Els Has Felt This Way Like Me* People tell me im beautiful, but I never think its true, the only way I'll believe it, is if I hear it come from you And I wonder if you wonder or did your stars finally explode? Did the thunder pull you underneath the haze? I'm amazed, then I let go. Little minds let little games burn big old dreams with little flames. And you don't think I understand. Little holes in parachutes won't leave you falling, if they do, it's because you want to land. Don't go away again, I want to be more than a phone call at 4am. Seems like every time you come back home it's just to steal my heart and leave
*Gosh does whoever wrote this know JT?!?! hahaha! He comes steals my heart and goes out to sea for more than a month* I'm not ready for sincerity. I'd tell any lie to keep you listening. You can spend the night beside her.
And you know she's half crazy,
but that's why you want to be there. It's so hard to believe
What's easier to doubt. I'm sorry for all the times I forgot to imply something in between the lines. And I'm sorry if my heart breaking ruined your day.
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you "Weight isn’t important the way the magazines
make you think it is. I know a girl who just looks at her
face in the medicine cabinet mirror & never looks
below her shoulders, & she’s four or five hundred
pounds but she doesn’t see all that, she just sees
a beautiful face & therefore she thinks she’s a beauty.
& therefore I think she’s a beauty, too, because I
usually accept people on the basis of their self-images,
because their self-images have more to do with
the way they think than their objective-images do.
Maybe she’s six hundred pounds,
who knows. If she doesn’t care, I don’t."
-Andy Warhol
*AAWWW So adorable!* when i am asked why a woman doesn’t leave abuser I say:
women stay because the fear of leaving is greater than
the fear of staying. they will leave when the fear
of staying is greater than the fear of leaving.
- rebecca j. burns Hey, let's cross the sea and get some culture.
Red wine with every meal and absinthe after dinner.
We'd look good side by side, walking back to the hotel. Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me your canvas so I become
What you could never be I can't tell if you're laughing, between each smile there's a tear in your eye. There's a train leaving town in an hour, it's not waiting for you and neither am I. Do you know how it feels, staring down the barrel of a gun?
Everyday more or less the same, just wait til your days are done.
Work your fingers to the bone, grind your body underneath
the stone. Stains of red flash across your back, seize the
power to return the attack. I've seen through all the lies.
I'm evil undisguised. If you wonder what drove me insane,
take a look at my scars. They go deeper than the skin 
We run back to each other when it's convenient. We know that in the end we're meant for each other but not for right now. So we play these games, act like we're okay when one of us has someone else. When it reality it tears us apart to know that we can be happy with someone else. But it's that slight hope that we will end up together that always keeps us running back for more
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